Ultimatum
by conkles
Summary: Dirk finds that he cannot be everything that Jake wants; he decides to help him be with someone who can, Jane-the-female-blue-eyed-babe. M for language. Dirk/Jake. Finished.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Homestuck and all its related characters belong to Andrew Hussie.

don't you hate it when authors leave long ass intros me too bye

* * *

"If you were a girl i daresay i'd love you"

The most unfair ultimatum you've ever heard. Despite this, you know it's unfair of you to be upset with him yourself. Wondering 'Why can't you just be gay?' is just as discriminate as 'Why can't you just be straight?' after all. That's what you tell yourself anyway; you've been alone this long, what's another eternity?

Jake is all there is for you. You've never really been one to open up and after the aforementioned sentence which was uttered electronically in taunting green letters from the one boy you may have considered revealing any feelings to, you don't see it happening in the future. Letting on to Jake that you don't give a pony growing wings and flying fuck which gender he is wouldn't accomplish anything; it'd just make him feel guilty and let's be honest-that'd suck more for you than for him.

You try to think of a way around this dilemma. In the game, you could prototype yourself to a kernelsprite along with a dumb movie poster of Neytiri the space furry or something. Jake would surely be all over you then…

…right?

No, he probably wouldn't. And you still wouldn't be a girl; you'd be as-male-as-they-come Dirk Strider in a sexy, blue, female body. Face it Strider, this is one problem you can't solve.

You look down at yourself, and you can't stand the sight of your own body; the one thing keeping Jake from giving you a chance. It's probably not even so much the difference in anatomy as it is that you couldn't be a proper 'damsel' for him. You don't fit the picture in his mind. You thought you could woo him with your talent for robotics, by sending him the adventures he craved for(in the form of none other than yourself), but that probably just drove you farther away from any romantic interest.

You thought you were so clever but it turns out, you were just naïve. So very naïve. Jake won't ever want you, and you've got to accept that.

Where does this leave you? Your goal, everything you've been looking forward to, your happiness; all of that is now unattainable. What counts as the next best thing to you is easy to discern-Jake's happiness. It's not like you haven't already been trying for that, all you have to do differently is subtract yourself from the equation. Completely. It's hard just being Jake's friend at the present and it would be like living in the seventh circle of hell if you had to watch him be with someone else. So, you think you'll get him with Jane and back the fuck off. That would be best.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Jane. We need to talk.

GG: About what?

GG: To what honor do I owe Mr. Illusive-Strider in the flesh!

TT: Turns out that I've done a complete ollie FS 540 nosegrind off of the half pipe that happens to be an artery connected to none other than my very own myogenic muscular organ.

GG: …Say what?

TT: I've changed my mind about something.

GG: Oh boy! Now if only you would be so kind as to elaborate on what "something" is?TT: I don't like Jake any more.

GG: What! Well shucks, did you two get in some kind of fight?

TT: No, shit that came more illusive than intended, you were right in calling me "Mr. Illusive-Strider". I might just have to adopt that name, Jane. What I meant all names aside is that I don't like like Jake any more.

GG: Like like?

TT: Like like indeed.

GG: …

GG: I…see. What brought this on might I ask?

TT: Don't know. Just not feeling it. Why I'm telling you is because I wanted to give you the green light to drive your Janemobile right on to glorious English avenue. And if your engine stalls just put it in neutral and say the word, I will give you the mother of all pushes. You just sit there and look pretty.

GG: What? This is so sudden, I don't even know what to say! Are…are you sure about all this! You seemed to feel so…strongly? About him before.

TT: Sure as fucking Shirley VonSuremeister.

GG: Well, I can't argue with that! :B GG: But…what exactly is this "push" you speak of again?

TT: Don't worry about it. Just leave it to me and English will be head, pistols and everything in between over heels in love with you.

GG: Right. GG: You're not by any chance having an episode of your notorious irony right now, are you?

TT: I expected you to think that. Crocker, this shit's so sincere you could bake a pie with it. TT: Frosted with genuine flavored icing stuffed with heartfelt ice cream.

TT: Are you getting this Jane this is an ice cream cake of honesty.

GG: Ok. I believe you. Well…thanks for being so swell I guess!

TT: No problem. I'll keep you posted on any details.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Head flat on your desk and hand tightly fisted, you already feel really shitty after such a bullshitted display of nobility and the weight of what you've really just done hasn't quite hit you yet. Talking to Jake into falling for Jane feels impossible. Not because he wouldn't do such a thing so much as _you_ wouldn't do such a thing. Well, better get this shit over with before you lose your nerve. Won't Jake just be so delighted. Fanfuckingtastic. You begrudgingly open pesterchum.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Jake. You there?

GT: I most certainly am and ill be darned if i dont have some grand spanking good news!

GT: Forgive my eagerness. I wouldve messaged you sooner but ive been having quite the time trying to fit practically all i own into my rucksack!

TT: What.

GT: It seems that roxy has scrambled up enough uranium to send yours truly to a certain mr. strider's house with her appearawhatsahoosah! And will be carrying out said business "aspa" as she put it otherwise known as AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

GT: So hang on to your knickers and ill be there in the flesh faster than you can say pennywise and pound foolish.

TT: Pennywise and pound foolish.

GT: Dont get fresh with me give me a friggin minute!

Okay you're freaking the fuck out. Why is this something Roxy can just decide on a whim? Doesn't she realize how fucked you are right now? You just have to keep your shades on; he'll never know what you're really feeling if he can't see your eyes. This visit has got to be as unemotional and full of Jane directing love advice as humanly possible. Mathematically possible even. And what the fuck does "pennywise and pound foolish" even mean? Jake is such a fucking dork and all your disdainful feelings regarding your gender are suddenly resurfacing. You hastily open a new chat box.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Goddamn it, Lalonde. What do you think you're doing?

TG: holy shit man cnat u see im busy ; )

TG: ;; )

TG: ;;;;;;;;;;; )))))))000 !

TT: Stop that. Please tell me English has taken up extreme lying as his newest hobby.

TG: nup and b4 u say anythig 2 try and stop me i just want u 2 no that the only reasoin i tried so hard to make this hapen is cuz jakes been on my ass aobut it

TG: 4 like evr

TG: *hella sweet typops

TG: **o's

TT: Well, this shit is not exactly welcomed in light of what I've recently come to terms with.

TG: wats that

TT: That I've got to give up on him. Romantically speaking. And that he's better off with Jane.

TG: ofdosafisdfsf?

TG: dirk u r confuesd this is excactly the opposite of what u rly want

TG: idc abut ur midlove crisis im sending him now ok ttly

TG: *ttyl

TT: Wait.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

Before you can properly get your bearings and freak even more the fuck out, there's a quick flash of light in your room. The very source of all your inner turmoil is suddenly there, in your room, wide grin plastered on his face. You know you can't hug him. You can't kiss or touch or love the person now standing for the first time in your midst. This ultimatum that is Jake English. The most unfair ultimatum you've ever seen.

* * *

r&r~


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Homestuck and all its related characters belong to Andrew Hussie.

* * *

"Well, sir, are you just going to stand there all day and high-hat me, or are you going to give me one heck of a good chum hug!"

Oh no. No, no, no Jake no. This is not a good idea at all, no. You're hesitating Dirk, get it together! He did ask for a "chum" hug though so…maybe just this once you could make an exception…you really do want a hug from him… It'll have to be quick.

"U-uh, sorry. You just took me by surprise and I've never really…done that before. What with being virtually alone my whole life and all; you know how that goes."

Smooth.

"Say no more, my friend!" He really is rubbing in the friend thing today, isn't he? Nevertheless, he crosses the room in what seems like one giant stride, time seems to be moving slowly for you; you brace yourself because you really don't fucking know what you're doing here and holding out your arms or something sounds like an uncool idea. You watch as he moves closer, admiring how handsome he is but then immediately you scold yourself for thinking such a thing. He hooks his arms all the way around you and pulls you close; this is embarrassing to you as you're trying to be AS PLATONIC AS POSSIBLE. You turn your head away from his and sort of loosely fit your arms around his torso, a far cry from the way he's squeezing the shit out of you at the moment.

Then he lets go. You hate yourself for feeling disappointed but quickly back up a few feet from him. He looks questioningly at you about this, but apparently drops the subject in favor of looking around the place. He's probably never seen or been in an apartment building in the middle of an ocean because…well, who the fuck has? You decide to give him the grand tour, showing him your stashes of food and orange soda, living room, kitchen, bathrooms, all the good stuff. You save the roof for last and it happens to be the place your companion seems to like the most.

"Gosh, there really is nothing save for your apartment out here!" He's dramatically balancing one foot on some iron railing, neck craned outward, hand shading his face from the sun, eyes squinting in attempt to focus on the horizon. It's hard not to smile; it's hard to deny your feelings for him when he looks like this.

"I daresay it must be somewhat like living on an island, eh Mr. Strider?" He does his trademark double pistols and a wink. You're smiling now and you bring up a hand to your mouth because you don't want to be caught. He gives you another questioning look so you quickly try to change the subject. "Not really; there's no vegetation-unless you count seaweed, and no animals-unless you count fish." He smiles and rolls his eyes; you like that reaction and while he stares out at the ocean with an amused look on his face, you try to sneak a few moments of staring at him. Here he is right in front of you, after all; the person who has meant the most to you for years, the goofy but endearing guy who will never return your feelings for him. His black hair is so dark and smooth looking, he probably gels it with some Dapper Dan* hair treatment or some shit. He's tan and fit looking, you can tell even though he wears his clothes loosely. You wonder if it's such a good idea to wear them that way if he were to maneuver through the jungle, wouldn't they be at more risk to get him snagged on something? You look up and realize to your horror that you must have been lost in thought for quite a while…staring at him the whole time because he must have noticed and is now staring back. You jerk your face away and silently thank your long lost bro for leaving you such sweet shades that effectively hide your stupid, surprised eyes. Focusing them, you realize that your auto responder has been mocking you. You no longer feel grateful.

Jake is having none of it. "What's say we stop beating around the bush and get to whatever's friggin' on your mind. Level with me here, Strider, what's the matter?"

Damn. Well, you guess you might as well turn this shitty situation into a twice as shitty opportunity. "I want to talk to you about Jane."

"Aha, now we're on the trolley! What is it that you'd like to say about our mutual friend?"

No going back after this; you remind yourself that seeing him and hugging him has been more than you had hoped for. You imagine for a moment what his big goofy smile will look like after you give him the okay to ask out Jane. The relief in his eyes. Pure happiness that his best bro approves of him being with his one true love. You wonder how many times a day you have to be reminded of how shitty your life is.

"She's…she's great and pretty and she's got a blue theme going on…she's a SHE and could be the perfect damsel…" Jake is looking somewhat uncomfortable and you realize that you're probably sounding like YOU have a thing for her. You rub the back of your neck in frustration. "What I'm trying and failing to say is-Jane Crocker, in every possible way, is perfect for you, Jake. You should date her."

The goofy smile you were expecting from Jake looks somewhat warped to you. In fact, it doesn't look like a smile at all. What, does he not believe you? Is he confused about your motives? Maybe he hadn't given the idea much thought yet and is overwhelmed by your proposal. Maybe he just thinks you're a huge psychopath for bringing it up at all.

"…I came to see you…" he musters out. Yep, it was the last one. You are now, as far as Jake English is concerned, a huge, blistering, white-van-driving, torture-chamber-in-the-basement psychopath. He came to see you and all you can think about is setting him up with Jane and maybe filming the steamy aftermath! You clearly have some sort of sick fetish for watching your friends make out with each other! You can't even enjoy a small afternoon with your best bro without thinking about how it would be like it is _in the animes_ if he were to tell her how she makes his kokoro go doki doki! Time for some damage control.

"I didn't mean it in a weird way or anything, I just wanted to let you know that…that it would be okay and everything. If you dated her." You hate it that even your shades can't hide you from sounding desperate. Jake is looking less that appeased; he's staring at you, eyes narrowed. He opens his mouth, and out trickles the most horrible command you could ever think of, one that will surely ruin everything you've worked up to until now. One that will embarrass you and force you to have to go into hiding for the rest of your life rather than face the consequences. Jake English is the king of unfair ultimatums.

"Take your shades off. Say that again to me when I can see your eyes."

* * *

*This is a reference to the movie "O Brother Where Art Thou" !

r&r~


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Homestuck and all its related characters belong to Andrew Hussie.

* * *

Before you can even save your skin by refusing the fuck out of Jake's request, he whips his arm out to try and snatch your shades from you. Luckily, you're so fast that it takes him a moment to realize he's missed and that you're quickly retreating for the door that leads inside. To your dismay he lunges towards you and although you're able to sidestep and miss being tackled onto the floor, you miscalculated how much room there is on this damn roof.

The air leaves your lungs as your stomach connects with the railing, and if that wasn't bad enough, the momentum isn't slowed down enough to stop you from toppling over the side of the building. You've jumped from the top before but you're a bit panicked to get some air before you hit the water. Jake's yelp of surprise isn't missed by your ears and you hope he doesn't do something stupid like jump in after you. You weren't able to get any air but you hit the water at a pretty good angle with your feet first and once you're all the way under you fan out your arms to slow your descent.

Despite everything, the swim to the surface is not difficult; the tiny bubbles in your proximity show you which way to swim to keep your orientation, your vision goes slightly fuzzy but it is short lived as you burst out into the open daylight again. You feel like you've just ran a mile, sucking in air so violently it almost makes you want to cry or puke or stop breathing again.

Of course you do none of those things because that wouldn't be cool even in an ironic way. Speaking of cool things, you seem to have lost your shades somewhere along that Olympic-medal-winning dive. Hopefully Jake will forget about what you had been talking about because of all this commotion.

Speaking of the devil, he's climbing at full speed down the ladder that you would usually use to get to the water, it's on the opposite side of the risers. Although you feel drowsy, you make a move to start swimming over to meet him but he yells for you to stop, that he'll come get you. His voice sounds raw and if you weren't so damn sleepy, you might've yelled back at him to calm the fuck down.

It doesn't take long for him to swim over and his whole demeanor seems as crazed as his voice had sounded. He bombards you with questions; what were you thinking being so reckless like that, why didn't you show me where the ladder was ahead of time; do you know how much time I wasted looking for it; are you okay, I thought you would drown. You tell him to ask you later; you're tired. He looks more worried if that's possible.

He gives you a piggyback ride through the water until you're back to the ladder. Pausing, he must be thinking about how impossible it will be to carry you up. You push off of him and start climbing them yourself; you've been in worse situations and you've never needed help before. Still, you struggle and pause between certain steps for so long as a rest that you actually nod off momentarily several times. Jake notices below you and politely taps your leg to wake you up each time and after what feels like an eternity, you finally crawl your sorry ass onto the roof. You just want to sleep but Jake pulls you up, helps you steady yourself, and leads you inside.

"You've got to get out of those wet clothes." You knew this was coming. You may have failed to hide your eyes but you refuse to remind yourself and your guest of your breastless, curveless body by taking off the thin, soaked layer that shields you from sight. He prods at you again and even gives a little tug at the hem of your shirt but you grab his arm and stare at it. "No," is all you manage. You concede that your shirt isn't hiding much, it's stuck bare to your skin but the idea of taking it off still rubs you the wrong way.

Jake English has a temper. You learn something new every day.

You weren't expecting him to shake your hand from his, push you down on the living room couch, and pull your pants off. If he didn't look so fucking pissed off at you, you might have gotten excited over such a development! He moves to get a hold of your shirt but you flinch backwards. Tired and exasperated, you say you'll take it off if he leaves the room. He gives you a look that makes you wonder whether you've grown another head or something, but stomps out and heads into your room anyway. You sigh and drag the fabric over your head, relieved to finally be able to sleep. The couch has never felt this comfortable and you're out before your head hits the cushion.

* * *

Red lipstick is dragged over full, puckered lips and the owner of those lips, a blonde-bombshell, is staring at you seductively. Your eyes flicker down to notice the same tube of 'ruby-red' lipstick in your own hand and you realize you were looking in a mirror. You explore the contours of your hips, the fullness of your breasts, the smooth satin texture of your skin.

A woman.

Looking at the room behind you, it looks like an oversized dressing room; there are garments thrown about every which way, makeup scattered on every possible surface, curling irons and blow dryers and bobby pins and whatever else a girl might need to look as you do now. You barely have time to feel suspicious over the long, fancy, snow white dress you're currently sporting before a familiar face bursts in.

"Come on! Gome non! I know you probs feel pretty nervous n stuff but you gotta get your cute little ash out here, Strider!" It's Roxy and she's undoubtedly drunk as ever. You follow her through some old, elaborately carved wooden doors into a large hall. There are many pews but few actual people. Most of your audience consists of dersites and among them you spot Jane. She looks sullen.

You look closer and notice Roxy next to her which is weird because wasn't she just next to you? Looking to where she had been, you notice that she has been replaced by your older bro. Despite this fucked up situation, you're happy to see him and he links his arms with yours and starts leading you down the aisle way. You're not kidding yourself at this point. It's pretty obvious what's going on here and shit, you couldn't be happier! You're a girl now so of course you would be walking down the aisle to marry your one and only soul mate, your gender is no longer literally cockblocking you!

As guessed, Jake is waiting for you at the end of the aisle, though you can't make out his face. The preacher is saying all his bullshit and in the meantime you focus on his features, elated that you'll finally be able to kiss him, run your hands through his hair, whisper the true depth of your feelings into his ear.

"Ms. Strider, do you take Mr. Jake English to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Your voice is high-pitched and it surprises you that it actually came from your own mouth.

The preacher gives a curt nod and turns toward your future husband. "Mr. English, do you take Ms. Strider to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Jake finally stirs and takes in a small breath to give his reply. He isn't directing his focus at the preacher as you were expecting, but more towards you. Perhaps to be more personal, more romantic, more emotional, you think. He always was dramatic, after all, of course he would want the most cheesiest Hollywood wedding ever concocted in the realms of reality (or a dream, mind you). You must look so stupid and happily expectant, waiting for his declaration of undying love.

His words fall short.

"No," he says.

"No. You're a girl but I still don't love you."

You stumble backwards. The hurt is enough to make the edges of your vision blur.

Suddenly standing in your previous spot is an elated Jane, clad in the wedding dress you were just wearing, you find yourself now wearing her normal one. She and Jake share a kiss and you watch.

Motionless and dead inside, all you feel is your dream crumbling.

Waking up nearly naked and fully male on your living room couch doesn't help to lessen the blow.

* * *

r&r i whisper pathetically~


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Homestuck and all its related characters belong to Andrew Hussie.

* * *

Some people have terrible dreams and wake up with tears running down their faces. They might dream that something goes horribly, horribly wrong and find themselves wishing that they'd give anything to wake up. They do eventually wake up, of course, and wiping the tears from their eyes, they feel wonderfully relieved and enthralled to have escaped from such an ultimatum back into sweet reality.

Your dream was not so kind.

What at first felt to be a hopeful projection of how you might overcome your problems turned into a spiteful nightmare, shooting down any such hope-and fast. You didn't have time to cry, like other people might in their dreams. Your dream slapped you straight in the face to rid you of any fantasies and left you to face reality. Waking was no comfort, staying in the dream would no longer be a comfort; nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

You're crying now. This reality is a hard pill to swallow. You've always sort of suspected it to be true, despite the many times you've projected the blame on your gender. It's not that you're a boy-it's not any one thing. You, as a whole, are not what Jake English wants, and nothing will change that. Jane won't have him just because she's a girl, but because they're meant to be together; they were made for each other. Crying has turned to sobbing. It doesn't really fit you to sound so pathetic you think but you don't have any choice right now but to allow it. You don't want Jake to hear you; you don't want Jake to see you, so you pick yourself up and stumble towards the bathroom.

You manage to fumble the door open through blurry eyes and quickly shut yourself in. The noise seems to have stirred Jake however, because it's only moments before he's outside the door, calling your name. Hearing his voice doesn't help you quiet your sobs, unfortunately. Upon hearing you, he begins rapping on the door and you curse yourself for not being in better control. Now would be a good time to be sporting some eye-covering shades but as fate would have it, they're probably sitting at the bottom of the ocean by now.

"Dirk, I believe I hear some waterworks and if my ears do not deceive me, I'd say it isn't the shower! What's the matter? What happened? Are you hurt?"

You relent a tiny fraction. In a small voice that you hope won't crack or sound too strained you say that you had a bad dream. It's the truth and you're hoping that'll be the end of it; that he won't need the details.

"What about? Come out and talk to me, old chap."

You should stop hoping things.

You don't want to come out. You don't want to face him; you can't stand reality as it is. The tears on your face taste salty, almost like the ocean; they also taste bitter. The sad, pathetic, drawn-out moaning of the word "no" that you manage is a testament that talking isn't really something you feel up to at the moment. You hate seeming so vulnerable; wearing only your underwear, body curled up around the toilet with nothing else to cling to, face robbed of any kind of protection from being exposed to the world, emotions wild and far from being in control, the bathroom door does little to keep Jake from realizing the state you're in.

There's a loud thud against the door that practically makes the whole room shake, you realize he's trying to break the door down. You're a bit taken aback at how reckless he's being and decide to leave your pride and privacy behind for once. "Alright, alright," you mutter bitterly, one hand furiously wiping away as many tears as possible, the other unlocking the door. Sure that he heard your resolve and the small clicking noise that accompanied it, you stubbornly refuse to open the door yourself. It doesn't really matter, however, because he opens it faster than you ever could have.

You hold your breath and glare at the ground. This doesn't slow the tears or keep tiny gasps that would be sobs from escaping your mouth, but you don't know what the fuck he wants you to do. For a small moment, he doesn't do anything at all. Maybe he's just surprised at seeing you look so disheveled like this, maybe it's the first time he's noticed that your eyes are orange, maybe he doesn't know what to do either. Whatever it is, he recovers quickly and in your peripheral vision you see him take a tentative step closer.

"What sort of dream…" he begins and reaches a hand out to you. You flinch away and you can fucking _feel_ the anguish written all over your face. Jake's demeanor seems to change; he pushes you back so your legs hit the toilet and you're forced to sit, his hands are gripping your shoulders. You set aside your cowardice for a moment to look him in the eyes. Even through your clouded vision you can see his determination.

"Did it have anything to do with…me?" Oh god. Your eye contact falters, your stare returns to the ground, you bring a hand up cover your eyes and shake your head furiously. Jake doesn't believe you; you don't blame him. He's close to you in this position and barely has to reach out at all to rest a hand on top of your head in a friendly and comforting gesture. You lose it.

Your hands desperately reach up to grip at his shirt and your choked sobs are no longer under control. You want so badly for things to be different. You want to go back in time and forbid yourself from ever talking to the tortuously perfect boy you can't help but love. You've always prided yourself on being strong, raising yourself, taking care of yourself-but you're so weak when it comes to Jake English. His accent, his goofy smile, his hopes, his dreams-they effortlessly defeat you.

He kneels down and pulls you closer into the second hug you've ever had the pleasure of enduring. You guess you need this one though; there's no fuss on your end, you just let yourself be held. You're still gripping his shirt and in the back of your mind you wish you were wearing more than your underwear.

You feel yourself calming a little; maybe hugs really are as effective as you've heard. Your sobs and cries quiet down to hiccups and only somewhat uneven breathing. In his arms, it's feeling less and less like the end of the world. After all, to Jake, you two are still best bros.

"While I was waiting in your room, I saw on your computer the pester log between you and Roxy. About me."

* * *

i realized that r&r doesn't really make sense to say at the end of a chapter since you've already read but oh well R&R~

thank you to those of you who have already, or have followed/favorited the story! i look forward to seeing whether you've been enjoying the story QuQ


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Homestuck and all its related characters belong to Andrew Hussie.

_THIS CHAPTER IS THE END_

* * *

He knows. Oh god he read it oh god oh god. How could you be so stupid and forget to close out of pesterchum? What was it that you said to her again anyway? You were telling her what a bad idea it was to send Jake to you…because…because you had given up on him and wanted him to be with Jane. Okay, that's not too bad really. You can still salvage a friendship if he knows that you've given up by now.

After Jake had told you he had read your conversation, you had immediately jerked back, bringing a hand up to your mouth in shock. You probably look odd right about now, frozen in that same position, but you had to get your thoughts straight. Collecting yourself, you finally manage an answer.

"Okay, you got me. I've been trying to set you up with Jane this whole time. In a totally non-creepy way might I add. Might have been wrong of me, but I was only trying to help you out, bro."

Jake's unwavering stare is kind of blank after listening to your bullshit excuse. It broke suddenly and he gives a small chuckle. You have no fucking idea what could possibly be funny at this moment but as long as he doesn't hate you, you guess it's okay. You're still confused as fuck though. "Heh heh, I knew you wouldn't be able to hide anything with your eyes showing."

Surprised, you bring a hand up near your eyes to remind yourself of how vulnerable you truly are. You never appreciated your shades enough, they were so invaluable.

"Y-you're mistaken. I'm just…upset from the bad dream is all."

Jake's face loses all traces of humor. "Dirk, I'm through dancing around the true problem you've been avoiding. Roxy was right in saying that I had been prodding her into sending me off for a visit to you for some time. I wouldn't shut up about it for weeks! There was one person in the whole universe that I wished to see more than anyone else and although Jane is still a very important person to me, she is not the aforementioned person!"

His gaze never leaves yours, hard as it is to look him in the eyes. "So…so if you could cease trying to set me up with her, I would very much appreciate it, old bugger."

You feel ashamed. It was wrong of you to assume that he would have automatically fallen in love with Jane if you were not an option. She just seemed to be the obvious answer, she was everything he wanted; you had spend hours bringing yourself to that very agonizing conclusion.

"Sorry," you say quietly, "I just wanted you to be happy. I always knew that Jane liked you and I promised her I would help convince you to-"

"Why on Earth would you promise that?!"

"L-like I said, to make you happy."

"_You_ like me!" You make a strangled noise. It's not fair of him to say that; your heart can't fucking take this shit.

"N-not anymore!" God, you sound desperate. You try to think up a counterargument but it's painfully obvious that you're losing this battle. You were always losing from the start; right from the moment he told you his first little ultimatum. You dodge around him and hustle out the bathroom door. You don't know exactly where you're going but it doesn't seem to matter since he's following you. The two of you end up in your room, the same place you had first seen each other in person not so long ago. Things had still felt bad then, but not this bad. As you pull on a shirt and pants, feeling that you've reached your limit, he continues to badger you.

"Don't give me that, Strider. I told you I was through playing games. Why do insist on lying about it?"

"Because I still want to be friends, god damnit! I know you'll never feel the same way about me as I do for you so I don't fucking _mind_ lying, okay? If I'm able to act platonic towards you then you'd stay my friend, wouldn't you?" There it was-the ugly truth. Jake's entire demeanor turns completely livid.

"This is strange, you seem to be acting as though you've ever asked me how I felt about you!"

"I already know," you say grimly. Jake's anger turns to confusion and you suppose this is not the time to be illusive. "You said you'd love me if I were a girl. I know that's bullshit though, that sort of thing isn't really the issue. You just straight up don't have feelings for me and there's nothing either of us can do about it."

There is a long unbroken silence that stretches on between you. You take this as a sign that you hit the bull's-eye. Maybe you were a bit harsh about it but that was what really needed to be said this whole time. Who would've thought that while you were finally in the company of another person, you would feel your loneliest? You hope you don't look as pained as you feel.

"…That was stupid of me to say. I take it back."

"…What.." you say dumbly. Those words don't mean any sense. Not at this moment; not out of his mouth. Agony has been a companion of yours for so long now…those words, which would rid you of all your pain, could not have been real. That would be too easy! This must be another sick game your mind has decided to play with you.

"I don't even remember why I said it. Whatever the reason, I didn't mean it. I know I didn't, because for a while now, I've had feelings for you too, Strider."

Still wary, you manage to counter, "But…I can't be a damsel for you…"

He laughs a hearty laugh and upon hearing it, you feel a great weight lifted from you. Somehow everything is going to be okay; how is that possible?

"Strider…the dream I've been gallivanting around to you, one filled with Indiana Jones adventures, world saving escapades, sexy blue damsel romances…I don't really expect any of that. Even if I did, you still mean more to me than any stupid fantasies."

You feel light as a feather. You can't believe it, but you notice more tears falling off your cheeks; these ones don't taste as bitter and occasionally catch on the creases of your wide smile. "You can still be a world-saving adventurer," you say half-laughing. Jake seems happy too, and perhaps just as relieved. The time you've spent with him so far has been nothing short of a world-record-breaking emotional roller coaster ride. Your hands are shaking because you're so happy you can't contain yourself and he steps closer to take them into his own. He calls your name to get you to look up at him and you guiltlessly marvel again at how handsome he is. Perfect in every way and he's giving you a chance to love him-you don't need anything else in the world. He kisses you softly and the feeling lingers like a promise he's made to you, that you really are good enough for him. For once you don't feel the weight of an ultimatum, only the freedom of loving your best friend.

"Strider, you're no girl, but I daresay I love you."

* * *

Thanks for reading c: I've never written fanfiction before and I guess this story was me sort of testing the waters. Despite my inexperience, I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for your reviews and other methods of support, it makes me feel welcome to write more stories in the future!


End file.
